Halloween Don't

If someone tells you that you can make an awesome martini by soaking candy corn in vodka and adding some Butterscotch schnapps, DON'T believe them. It's a trick. A proper martini should be as pale and bright as Tinkerbell's fairy lights, not heavy like this sugary cough syrup concoction.

But, if you saw some pretty photos of a Candy Corn Martini, wanted to believe in them (even though a voice in your head said it was too good to be true), and actually tried to make said apocryphal cocktail, you can still salvage your libation lulu, your beverage blunder, your potation miscalculation, with a little ingenuity.

Add a short pour of this nightmare (and diabetes) inducing mixture to a tall glass. Now fill the glass to the top with mineral water. Ice optional. This creates a surprisingly refreshing drink, sort of like a Halloween-themed ginger ale . . . with vodka. But at least it won't leave you wondering how many seconds you have to live until your heart stops beating.

You can add a splash of it to coffee, too, the way you would Bailey's, or Kahlua. It's actually quite pleasant, as long as you don't add too much. This should be treated like any other simple syrup, which is what it is.

Or try it drizzled over ice cream. I mean, if you're drinking this stuff, you're already about to die. You might as well die with ice cream.

So, there you are, ladies and gentlemen. I'm out here making the big mistakes so you don't have to. I hear your heartfelt gratitude and take my bow . . .